How we experience the night: "Who Cares?"

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Who Cares?

from transitplace

CN: disease, pain, support, mental health, needles, violence, insects, hair, discrimination.

I have been in bed with tonsillitis for five days.

It sucks, it hurts, I feel (a little) sorry for myself. And since day one, there are people who feel responsible.

I. reminds me of this when I grumble on the phone about my initial symptoms and explain that I just don't fit in at all, that my body is not a machine and deserves to be allowed to be sick. M. goes shopping for me. L. cooks me vegetable soup and tells me that she can't do more than that today. She strokes my hands and leaves me notes on the kitchen table. K. comes over and breaks down, many days in a row, cuddling up to me and her tears melting into my fever sweat. I. and L. call every day to check in how I am doing and lovingly accept my whining. I.,L.,M.,P.,K.,F.,L.,O. and a few more. An alphabet of loved ones who care as soon as I need support. They weave a net so carefully that I trust they will not fall through it. They do this, among other things, because they take me seriously and can classify my pain - they identify emphatically with me.

Connection, for us, means taking responsibility for each other.

I think about pain, the one that we take seriously socially and also personally and the one that is stifled, doubted, seems debatable.

Some injuries are meant to be explained over and over again. They are dissected and exhibited, like an unexplored, strange species of bird.

They are identified, but not in the way my caregivers identify with me. More like a butterfly that is taxidermied; killed, attached with pins and glue. The genus and where it was found are recorded on a label. We feel no responsibility, draw no connection between ourselves and the insect. At most, there is some voyeuristic curiosity or a winking incomprehension. A few insects accompany me every day as I walk out my door. Depending on the context, they shimmer more or less.
post-migrant(ish), grew up (relatively) poor, trans, crazy....

My body hair, yellowish skin undertones and desire, my economic background, my gender identity, my psychic status... They are my social wound points. They are all the parts that are marked and condemned as "different" by dominance society. Markings mean insecurity and violence for many people.

We (over)live in a historically evolved web of colonial, capitalist, binary, heteropatriachal threads (to name a few). Yet most of us fall through it. This web is not woven for us. Yet it shapes us and pulls the strings. It is important that we become aware of what discriminatory acts we reproduce in order to learn to take responsibility for them. But these individualized approaches do little to change the real, material situation of marginalized groups.

Individuals "profit" from this. They are presented like butterflies in glass cases. The label "perpetrator" is tied around exemplars of discriminatory behavior. Now we can clearly distinguish ourselves from them. The web that feeds this violence remains invisible. We are all victims. We all unknowingly or intentionally perpetrate violence.
This simultaneity is difficult to capture on a label.

 If we want to become sensitive to discrimination, we must also dissect the network from which this violence springs. ‍

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A new net is needed! 

Woven from the experiences of those who have experienced, material, physical, psychological - multisectional violence. Only then can we assume that it holds all. Collective ownership requires that we collectively reconnect and redistribute resources. Choosing to do so threatens everything that holds the old web together. It breaks notions of individualism because we relate to each other.

Real caring does not work in the presence of individual capital, avarice, punishment, and segregation.

Profile

Name: transitplace

About me: queer trans* being with snack expertise.

I practice failing and keeping a little levity.

Me finds 1 at the rafter or cuddling.

My favorite artist: All the survival artists around me

I never party without: My water bottle + Social Anxiety

A successful night for me is: Mostly 8h sleep. Sometimes with loved ones sweaty on the dance floor, in a place with awareness concept, snacks and sensitive people.

My favorite location or event in Saxony: The Bubble Bar (greetings go out)

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"How We Experience Nightlife" writes stories, impressions, and experiences of people with diverse and intersectional perspectives from nightlife. Nightlife or event life can be characterized by being exuberant, exhilarating, connecting, liberating, and networking. But it can also be exclusionary, discriminatory, and painful. People deal with these experiences differently. They develop (empowering) strategies or have to draw consequences for themselves. Many are convinced that "something like that" does not happen at their own events. But these supposedly individual experiences run structurally through our society and are also anchored in the event context.

People who have to experience (multiple) discrimination share their view of nightlife here in literary contributions and testimonials. These are multi-layered voices that are made visible and audible: Empowering, angry, reporting on violence and the accompanying pain, longing, sad, free, loud and quiet, hard and soft.

9 authors and/or artists are involved in the zine. We asked them what a successful night looks like for them, when they feel safe and strong. But also, how their experiences with sexualized violence or discrimination are.

They are part of Saxony's nightlife - whether as visitors, awareness, security, artists or organizers. During the day and at night, many of them are active against discrimination. Some of them remain anonymous, some of them introduce themselves under their contributions. Thank you for your openness, your courage and your work!

In parts, controversial and complex topics are addressed in the contributions. This is done in a very subjective and sometimes abbreviated manner, but in line with the experience gained. As editors, we see it as our task to let these reports stand uncensored and unfiltered as they are, and we think it is important to give space to controversies and discussions.

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